I think we've officially lost it
by Rose-Oracle
Summary: What happens when Hikaru and Kaoru are unceremoniously dumped into the Mary Sue world? Chaos. Complete and utter chaos.


I got this idea while reading Mary Sue bashing fanfics and watching Ouran High School Host Club last night on the computer. What happens when Hikaru and Kaoru are unceremoniously dumped into the Mary Sue world? Chaos. Complete and utter chaos. Slight hint of Death Note.

I don't own anything except the Sue Hunters, and I am so proud of them!

* * *

Hikaru Hitachiin knew he must be dreaming. His first clue was that Kaoru was there with him. His dreams always had Kaoru in them. Another clue was that there were two suns. One was bright pink, the other was a dark grey. Plus, there was rain in the part with the grey sun. Hikaru had seen sun showers before, but this was ridiculous.

"How odd. This is one of my weirdest dreams yet." Hikaru murmured.

"Hey, who said this was your dream?" Kaoru retaliated.

Hikaru turned to his brother. "Wait, so I'm not dreaming? Hold on, pinch me. I want to make sure."

Kaoru looked uncertain. "But Hikaru! I don't want to hurt you!"

Hikaru rolled up the sleeve of his Ouran High uniform. "Just a tiny pinch. Kaoru, do it for me. Please?" Hikaru turned on the charm with his puppy pout.

Kaoru blushed. "All right. But just a tiny pinch." He reached over and put a hand on Hikaru's arm, going to pinch his twin, when a loud yell stopped them both.

"STOP!!!!!!The twins turned to see a girl running over to them. She had long, blue hair streaked with silver and wore a pink skirt that was cut a little too high and showed too much. Ditto with her silver shirt that showed her midriff and too much cleavage. Her eyes shone dark pink.

"Don't hurt him!" She separated the boys. "How dare you hurt my future husband!" The twins backed up. "F-future husband?" Hikaru stammered. Suddenly, he got it. It was obviously a free dress day at Ouran High, and they had simply forgotten. And the scenery? It was no doubt the creation of Tamaki and Kyouya's imagination.

And the girl was another delusional fan, or possibly a new girl.

He sighed. By Kaoru's relieved look, he had probably guessed the same thing.

"Welcome to the Host Club!" Hikaru and Kaoru said cheerfully.

The girl shook her head. "No, I should be the one welcoming you into the Mary Sue world! My name is Mary Princess Fluff Belle Sparkle Diamond Marshmallow Glitter Rose Star Musical Moon Midnight Delicate Chrystal Rain Unicorn Magic Jewel Golden Petal Snow Iced Coffee Winter Spring Summer Fall Sue. But you can just call me Mary Sue!" She smiled widely, revealing perfectly white teeth that almost blinded the confused brothers.

Hikaru turned to Kaoru. "I think we've officially lost it."

* * *

Mary Sue had taken the twins by the arms and was dragging them around her home world.

"Where we are now is the Perky side of the Mary Sue world. Over there is the Emo and Angst side of the Mary Sue world. You don't want to go over there. It's a bad, bad place." Mary Sue shook her head. "But as long as you're with me, there's nothing to fear!" She smiled

She dragged them over to a pink, sparkly building. "This is the hall of Madame Angel. Her name is one hundred words long exactly, so we just call her Madame Angel. She rules the Perky side of my world." Mary Sue opened the door. "Come on! This is the chance of a lifetime!"

Swallowing, Hikaru and Kaoru linked arms and followed Mary Sue into the sparkly building.

Oh, the horror. The pink, sparkly horror.

Adorning every wall was a golden-framed picture of a Mary Sue, along with a plaque explaining their name, mission, and how they died.

"Look, Hikaru. This one's a boy." Kaoru whispered, pointing to a Gary Prince Silver Ivy Storm Dragon Spirit Light Awesome Super Thorn Dinosaur Freedom Turtle Squirrel Ninja Emerald Sword Hero Ocean Stu. He had dark green hair and purple eyes.

"Waaah!!!" Mary Sue suddenly broke down crying.

Hikaru and Kaoru looked frantic. "What's wrong?" They both asked at the same time. Being Hosts, one of their most important jobs was to comfort a maiden in distress.

And if Mary Sue didn't look distressed at that moment, well, then there is something seriously wrong with you.

Mary Sue sat up and dried her tears with a hankerchief that came out of nowhere. "That boy...Gary Stu..he was my brother! My beloved baby brother-waahaaa!" She grabbed the twins into a death hug and bawled into their shoulders.

The twins looked at each other. "He's your brother? Well, I can understand how you feel. If I lost Hikaru, I wouldn't know what to do." Kaoru said calmly.

Mary Sue sniffled. "You don't understand. I knew my brother for five minutes and 1.5 seconds. We were separated when we were children. I was sent to a terrible foster home where I had to do all my chores, finish my homework, and I wasn't allowed to go outside or watch TV. When the war broke out-" The twins looked at each other as if to say 'what war?' "-I escaped to fight for my freedom and my country. Whilst on the battlefield, I had to tend to the wounded soldiers. The boy bringing in soldiers from the battlefield looked familiar, so I asked him his name. When he told me his name, I realized that he was my adorable baby brother, and I his beautiful older sister!"

Mary Sue paused in her story to smile proudly and wipe away her tears. "It was a joyous reunion, but it did not last long. When my brother was bringing back another soldier, he was killed by the soldier he was carrying, who was really a spy! I was so enraged that I killed the traitor, but I was forced out of the war to mourn. That's when Madame Angel found me and brought me up as her sister."

Once her story was finished, Mary Sue stood up and dusted herself off. "So here I am! Let's get going." She grabbed the twins by the arms and continued dragging them through the halls.

Hikaru glanced over at Kaoru. "We have to find a way out of here if we ever want to keep our sanity."

Well d'uh.

* * *

Mary Sue stopped dragging them when they reached a huge set of gold double doors encrusted with pearls and diamonds that shimmered. The words "Madame Angel's office" were carved into the doors.

"Here we are! Guests first!" Mary Sue stepped aside and let Hikaru and Kaoru go in first.

Madame Angel's office was just like the rest of the big, pink, sparkly building.

Screw that-it was worse. A silver unicorn pranced around the room, eating patches of grass that popped out of the white carpet. Diamonds, emeralds, sapphires, rubies, and every jewel of the rainbow covered the room wall-to-wall, and in the middle of it was a pink, fuzzy desk. Sunlight streamed in through the chrystal windows that were polished to a blinding shimmer. Sitting at the pink desk was a girl with long, silver hair streaked with every color of the rainbow, and blue eyes. She wore a tight, gold dress and high heels made of silver. She was currently flipping through a teen magazine and gabbing on the phone. Sitting on her desk was a sparkly, dark pink wand that shot out and magicked up a patch of grass wherever the unicorn needed it.

"Kaoru, I think we've stepped into sparkly Hell." Hikaru whispered.

All Kaoru could do was nod nervously and squeeze Hikaru's hand in return as Mary Sue closed the door behind them and walked up to the desk. The girl sitting there shot up. "I'll talk to you later. So what if you think that's more important, my sister just walked in with two hot guys. Bye!" The girl put the phone (which was also pink and sparkly) down and stood up. Her eyes suddenly went from blue to green.

"Mary Sue! My adorable sister! How are you?" The girl hugged her sister.

Mary Sue smiled. "Perfectly perky, as always, Madame Angel!"

The girl (Madame Angel) stepped away to look at the twins.

"Very fine boys, Mary Sue. Where ever did you find them?" Madame Angel smiled charmingly, showing off perfectly polished teeth lined up perfectly. Hikaru blinked as her eyes went from green to purple.

"Oh, you know, they crashed in the meadow, and I took the liberty of showing them around!" Mary Sue giggled.

Madame Angel squealed. "Excellent, Mary Sue! You get a gold star!" Reaching into her desk, she pulled out a shiny, gold star sticker and placed it on Mary Sue's shirt.

"Thank you so much, Madame Angel!" Mary Sue squealed. "This is the most beautiful, perfect, gorgeous..."

**(Rose: I hate to interrupt, but Mary Sue continues to rant on how amazing the gold star that Madame Angel gave her for about another twelve pages. I figured that having you read twelve pages of adjectives would be boring, and I'm not that cruel. So, I'm fast-forwarding to the point where Mary Sue stops ranting so we can continue. Sorry for the interruption.)**

"...gold star that I have ever seen! Oh Madame Angel, you're too kind!" Mary Sue concluded.

Madame Angel giggled. "It's my job, Mary Sue." Leaving Mary Sue to stare in awe at the star, Madame Angel waltzed over to the twins, long, multicolored hair swaying.

"I know who you are. You are Hikaru and Kaoru Hitachiin from the Ouran High School Host Club universe, known for your sweet, brotherly love and challenging others with the 'Which One Is Hikaru? game'. You are sixteen-year-old first years in high school, and you both serve as hosts in the club. Your mother is a fashion designer, and your dad is a computer software designer. You two didn't bother making many friends because you were cynical and thought the world was made up of idiots." Madame Angel flipped her hair triumphantly, her eyes shining gold.

Hikaru and Kaoru blinked. "Why is it that you know all that about us?" Hikaru asked, squeezing Kaoru's hand tightly.

Madame Angel huffed, her eyes going red. "Because I know everything. Isn't that obvious?" She picked up her wand off the desk and flicked it at the twins. Instantly, vines sprouted up and ensnared the two, pulling them up on the wall. Bright pink flowers bloomed on the vines, turning them white.

"What is the meaning of this?" Yelled Hikaru tugging at his bindings.

"Yeah, what is the meaning of this?" Kaoru echoed.

Madame Angel sat down at her desk. "Punishment. Since you two questioned my power, you will hang there until I get bored with seeing you. Or until you die, whichever comes first. By the way, those flowers shoot sparkles every minute. Isn't that wonderful? It's an upgrade I added yesterday." Madame Angel picked up her phone. "It was fantastic to see you, Mary Sue. Thanks for bringing me these splendid new toys!"

Mary Sue looked up. "Oh, it was my pleasure, Madame Angel!"

Madame Angel smiled. "Well, to be quite frank, _that _was starting to bore me." She pointed her wand at the unicorn and it exploded into millions of tiny sparkles.

Kaoru squeaked and grabbed Hikaru's hand. "Screw our sanity-we need to get out of here if we want to live!" He whispered.

* * *

Three hours had gone past since Hikaru and Kaoru were stuck up on the wall like a couple of trophies.

"Hikaru, I'm scared." Kaoru whimpered. A small tear slid down his cheek.

Hikaru rested his head against Kaoru's. "I know, Kaoru. I am, too."

Suddenly, there was a knock at Madame Angel's office door.

"Come in!" Madame Angel called from her desk, where she was now amusing herself by magicking up some plain old rocks and turning them into huge, shimmering diamonds.

A boy with dark blue hair and silver eyes entered the room with a girl in his arms, totally ignoring the twins. She (the girl in his arms) had long, black hair streaked with turquoise and pale skin. She wore a purple, shiny shirt and black pants that looked too tight. A sword was clasped to her waist, and her eyes were closed.

Madame Angel was so outraged that she threw down her wand, which emitted several pink sparks in protest to being neglected. "Holy fluffy unicorns!" She gasped.

The boy flinched. "Please don't use such foul language, Madame Angel. It hurts my ears."

She sat down. "Yes, I'm so sorry. Can you tell me what happened?"

The boy sighed before putting the girl down on the carpet. "My name is Lightning Thunder. I live on the border of the Emo and Angst side and the Perky side of the Mary Sue world. As I was passing by, a Sue Hunter came out of nowhere and shot Sapphire Autumn Lovely!" A tear slid down his cheek.

"Yes. May we have a moment of silence to honor poor Sapphire." Madame Angel put her head down and was quiet. Lightning Thunder did so as well...but not before he whipped out a gun and shot Madame Angel!

Hikaru and Kaoru gasped and cheered as the vines let them go. Sapphire jumped up and snatched off her hair, revealing it to be short and dirty blonde. Lightning Thunder whipped off his hair, which was really a scruffy brown. They tore off their outfits to show that "Sapphire" was wearing a jean jacket, a black shirt, and blue jeans. "Lightning" was wearing a red shirt and blue jeans.

"Madame Angel, leader of the Mary Sue world's Perky side..." The girl pulled out a badge. "...you are under arrest for disrupting the fandoms." The boy picked up the wand and snapped it in two.

"No! You shouldn't have done that!" Madame Angel gasped. Pink, sparkly blood poured out of her wound.

The boy raised an eyebrow. "Well would you look at that, Tobi! She's a Semi-Sue!"

The girl (Tobi) laughed. "Well that's something! I expected her to blow up with a bunch of black crap!"

Madame Angel growled and inched her way over to the wand. "I... won't...lose!"

The boy held out his hand. "Tobi, could you hand me my book?"

Tobi pulled a small book out of her pocket and handed it to him. "Definitely."

Flipping to a random page, the boy cleared his throat and read aloud:

_"The hooded reptilian eyes met his. In a clear, cold voice the judge said, 'I knew nothing of Seton previous to the case.'"  
"Armstrong said to himself, 'The fellow's lying-I know he's lying.'"_

The boy put down the book. "Agatha Christie's 'And then there were None', end of page 45."

Madame Angel shrieked with terror and exploded.

Tobi looked over at the twins. "Sorry about that. My name's Tobi River, this is my friend Rekkord Kale." She paused. "And no, I'm not related to Nate River from Death Note."

Kaoru and Hikaru stared at her. "Not related to who from where?"

Rekkord sighed. "Just forget about it. Are you guys okay?"

Hikaru nodded. "Yeah, we're fine. Thanks for getting rid of Madame Angel for us."

Tobi picked up the book and put it away. "We were only doing what our boss said. The Perky side will have a new leader sooner or later. Anyway, you guys should get out of here. It's not safe."

Kaoru sighed. "Wish we knew how to get out."

Rekkord laughed. "It's simple-just pinch each other!"

The twins stared. "WHAAAAAAT?!"

Tobi and Rekkord burst out laughing at the sight of their confused faces.

"We could've saved ourselves tons of time! Well Hikaru, ready to go?" Kaoru asked, recovering from the sudden shock.

Hikaru nodded. "Yeah. Ready? One..."

"Two..."

"Three!" The twins pinched each other at the same time. Suddenly, a roaring wind picked up around them. They could hear Rekkord and Tobi yelling goodbye, and then...

All was quiet.

* * *

The twins sat up in their bed, sheets tangled around their waists. What happened? Where were they?

"Hikaru..." Kaoru turned to face his brother. "Where are we?"

"Shh!" Hikaru pressed a finger to Kaoru's lips. "Do you hear that?"

Karoru closed his eyes.

"Good morning! Welcome!"

It was Haruhi.

"Pension Misuzu! We're back in Karuizawa!" Gasped Kaoru. He tackled his twin and hugged him. "We're back, we're back!"

Hikaru sat up with Kaoru next to him. "Never thought I'd be so glad to be in this common place. Let's get dressed and head downstairs to get some breakfast."

* * *

"Wow, you guys are hungry!" Haruhi noted the half empty plates sitting before the twins. Today was shaping up to be strange already: The twins had practically waltzed down the stairs, glomped Haruhi **(Rose: Well, what do you expect? They had been seeing all these girls done up with sparkles, heck, it was a relief just to see Tobi!)**, and ordered some pancakes.

"What happened to you last night?" Haruhi questioned as she cleared away their plates.

Hikaru and Kaoru exchanged glances. "You'd never believe us, not in a thousand years." They replied in unison.

* * *

It's done! Man, I am so proud of this! My first Ouran High School Host Club fanfic! (throws confetti) Whee! Please review, thank-you very much!


End file.
